Reevaluating the Philosophy of Forgiveness

When I was younger, the concept of forgiveness was a reality for me. In fact, it was a necessity. You could not really live without forgiveness because the stain of guilt was a thing that bore down on you even unto death. Dying with guilt was dangerous and the possibility of such an end made life a dangerous game. Jesus was a convenient way to ensure a clean death and if others still held animosity against you, it would be their own scourge and not yours.

I bought my way into heaven with Jesus because I felt that I needed forgiveness. The things I needed forgiveness for make me laugh now. I never did anything horrifying as a child but I was taught that even small sins were sin and that I could go to hell for looking the wrong way at another man's wife or, worse, another man. Good thing I had Jesus, otherwise all that porn would have damned me straight to hell. It's no surprise that, when I found myself more interested in worshipping the cosmos, the Earth, forgiveness was the first doctrine to go.

I dumped forgiveness because it has become, in our society, a path of escape instead of one of reconciliation. I have heard Christians and Jews say that forgiveness is not permission to keep sinning but a way to find freedom from sin and begin the journey to penance. And I am sure it is not just them. Most moral and moralistic people will tell you that forgiveness is about putting your feet back on the ground after you are truly sorry. A thief can be truly sorry after he robs a convenience store and he can also plan on being truly sorry before he does it and go ahead and do it anyway. Is he any less truly sorry afterward?

This approach to forgiveness - disregarding it entirely - really worked for me for a long time. In my mind, no one deserves forgiveness and it should not be asked for or granted. Take responsibility for your actions. If you rob a convenience store, you should return the money and probably serve jail time. That's all. There is no way out. On a cosmic level, there should be no safe place in heaven for a child molester. I don't believe in hell, so I suppose that means the molester reincarnates as something awful and his soul is purified by torment. Basically, everything is purgatory. There is no heaven, no hell, nor forgiveness. The universe responds to our actions blindly, as Justice, not mercifully, like Jesus. None of us can or should escape.

I still believe this. I believe that Jesus was and is the Son of God and I still believe this. Now, obviously, the way that I approach my relationship with him is vastly different than how Christians do. I do not believe the "New Testament" is the Word of God or an accurate portrayal of Jesus' life and message. I do not believe that you need to believe in him to get into some elitist club (which is a Gnostic ideal, not a Christian one, by the way). My perspective of Jesus is that he is a healing deity, an enlightener, and a patron of social justice. My Jesus is anti-abortion but pro-choice and he supports civil rights and gay marriage and he offers no forgiveness, no salvation, but instead something entirely different.

That different thing is what actually turned me off to associating with modern "followers of Christ" whether they call themselves Christians, Messianic Jews, or whatever. In the Bible, it never says that salvation comes from the sacrifice of Jesus. In fact, salvation is an entirely independent concept from that sacrifice. The reason why this distinction never entered into Christian doctrine is that some Christians, for 1500 years or more have been desperately trying to cover up this truth.

In Hebrew, there are two energies you need to be free from "sin." Y'shua, which is salvation, is first. Kappara, atonement, is second. Christian theology treats these as the same thing but the Bible does not because they are not. Y'shua, salvation, is belief in God. It does not come from belief in God it is belief in God. People who do not believe in a higher power are not "damned," they just will not experience spiritual reality. They are entirely limited to the physical world, having no access to spiritual phenomena. They worship idols but do not know the reality behind them. Those who have salvation, however, know that their graven images are just graven images. While they have spiritual power, they get it from a higher power. If you do not believe me, read the Bible. Even apart from the furnishings of the Tabernacle, there are many incidences in which God commands the creation of a graven image to represent itself. (The Bible actually commands the Jews to set up idols. The only cases in which idolatry is actually condemned involve a detachment of the physical representation from the represented deity. Bowing to a statue of Jesus with full knowledge that the statue is a representative of a spiritual being is absolutely permissible.)

Now on to Kappara. There is only one way to obtain atonement in the Bible: blood. Sacrifice is necessary, blood must be spilled, for the people to be atoned for. But Christian theology, in treating salvation and atonement as two sides of the same coin, detract from the beautiful reality of these terms. Atonement does not save the soul, it removes imbalanced energies from the human energy field. I know it sounds crazy, but tarry on.

In the ancient Greek world, which is to say in the sphere of influence of Delphi, an accidental murderer was freed from his crime in a similar way to how the Bible describes the process. The poor soul would flee to Delphi and throw himself at the feet of the Priest or Pythia there, depending on whose rendition you prefer, and a piglet would be sacrificed over him at the Omphalos or Center of the World. The blood would rain down on him and the sacred stone, appeasing the Furies and assuring the gods that justice had been served. The unlucky man was then free to go and could not be killed by an avenging relative of his accidental victim. The Bible has a similar deal and even says that Israel should build cities of refuge in which accidental murderers and other types of pathetic fugitives can find safe haven.

This is atonement. It is not forgiveness for the sin because we can hardly say that the accidental murderer has sinned. I suppose it depends on what happened that led to the accident but, seeing as the same procedure is followed in self defense killings and even in righteous honor killings, there are certainly cases in which no sin is incurred. The trouble is, the Bible does not give as a word to describe that thing that atonement removes. Arguably, it could be guilt. Some have argued that salvation is freedom from sin and atonement freedom from guilt of sin, but I prefer to call it pollution or Miasma, as the Greeks did.

Miasma is not sin or guilt. In fact, it is not a human feeling. Miasma is an energy that attaches to a person who has taken a life regardless of why the life was taken. So long as Miasma is still attached to a person, that person can spread it to others, inciting a plague, or he can be chased down by the Furies and driven fatally insane. Atonement relieves the atoned of Miasma, pollution, an energy which affects the individual now, while he lives on Earth.

Notice that forgiveness has nothing to do with it. Salvation from faith means that you get to experience the Spirit World while alive. Atonement from sacrifice means that the experience is clean. The Bible never mentions an afterlife where this becomes extremely and eternally significant. It is important now. When Jesus died, a human sacrifice, his blood provided atonement on a spiritual level that would serve as a reservoir for the next Age. That Age ends in 150 years from now, give or take, and the blood will run dry. Atonement will come not from martyrs then but from individual people striving to live for all other individuals. Some people call this the Age of Aquarius.

So where does this leave me in my reevaluation?

Recently I experienced what it was like to be in the presence of someone who has contracted Miasma. I love this person so it was really a beautiful and intriguing experience and it did not bother me like I thought it would. At the same time, I know what Miasma can do. I know that it is contagious and that knowing someone, even being very close to someone, who is afflicted by it, is a dangerous thing. But this is why I am reconsidering all of this. I can not ensure that his salvation is intact nor am I interested in leading him to it. Some people do not lead spiritually "in touch" lives and they have the right to choose that path. I also can not provide for him atonement so that the Miasma will go away. While I have nothing against animal sacrifice, it is not exactly a hobby either. And also I have no interest in proselytizing for Jesus. This is where another force comes into play.

Forgiveness, on an energetic level, has the same effect as a giant forcefield. Forgiving someone who, in your perception, has incurred guilt or Miasma, protects you from that negative pollution. It also reduces the efficacy of the pollutant. An individual who receives the energy of forgiveness feels a pull on himself and a push on his negative attachments. This polarization can tear someone away from Miasma. This push/pull is what the contemporary abuse of forgiveness has altered. I abandoned the philosophy of forgiveness because it was not serving its purpose anymore. Now I see a way that it can. Atonement, not salvation, is what forgiveness provides.

In our culture, human culture, things that we have done in the past really matter to us. Things other people have done in the past matter more. Whether or not we believe it, we hold people to their actions in a way that really does not allow them to heal and grow. If a woman gets an abortion and people know about it, she is going to feel that Miasma forever. The people around her will never let go and they will continue to pile on the guilt and make her feel like a criminal. On the other hand, if they utilize the cleansing energy of forgiveness, they facilitate the healing process.

Human beings really do have this power; they have the power to forgive each other and cleanse their energy fields of pollution. When we abuse this power to find freedom from responsibility for wrongdoing, we diminish it. We are no longer effective, as a society, in forgiving. We have to learn what it is and how to do it again. We need to allow our wrongdoings to be wrong instead of escaping from them and then, when we have finished making reparations, we can move on.

I encourage anyone who feels led to take action on this idea, to join me in an experiment. When you go to bed and when you wake up, say these affirmations to help shift your consciousness and all human consciousness toward clarity. If there is a particular person in your life who needs healing or who you feel animosity toward, hold that person in your mind while you recite these.

1. I believe in the creative power of Nature/God/Goddess/the Universe. By the power of this belief I reinstate my place in the Spiritual World.

2. I am free from the pollution of misdeeds. I take responsibility for what I have done and work toward the reconciliation of all people.

3. I forgive myself and all of the people around be for the pollution that we suffer. By the power of that forgiveness the human race finds healing in unity.

Thank you for reading,
Josh

Spontaneous Mushy Stuff

Here is some spontaneous mushy stuff for your enjoyment. At this the darkest time of year I feel it is especially appropriate. It's hard to feel mushy sometimes when the ground is anything but:

My belly is a constant reminder
Telling me what I'm feeling
Even when I feel nothing

Today it tugs on my heart
I'm feeling good
A new spirit invades

I don't call it love
Love jinxes everything
And hexes spurned lovers

But I will soon be helpless
To call it anything but
To hold off my belly from wringing out my lungs

Suspense is an emotion
One that strangles breath
And tortures loins

I can't imagine what it will be like
To have this demon
Gone from my body

This Deva of Waiting
She Is not patient
And is not kind

I give into her charms
And turn all my faculties
To face that libidinous fascination coming

Read me and write me and write on me
Be me and breathe me and be with me
Love me and leave me and let me be lonely
Kill me, consume me, and bare me, yours only.

12 Affirmations for our Generation.

If we all say these every day, I believe we can change ourselves first and then the world. We need to stop looking to the media for our sense of right and wrong and find it in ourselves. Stand in front of your mirror and join me! Feel free to add your own, but remember to speak only in the positive and present tense. Whatek!

I am real and my world is real. I embrace it as it is and acknowledge my power to change it.

I love freely and I am loved by others. Our love is omnipotent and omnipresent.

I define beauty free from cultural stereotypes and see myself and all others as beautiful.

I have compassion on those who suffer and receive help when I suffer.

I am prosperous and share prosperity appropriately. I am free from the snares of envy and gossip.

I receive guidance from the Divine and share it with others when I am called.

I am free from bondage to any thing and I am empowered to free others.

All of my relationships are pure, healthy, and universally beneficial.

I embrace my sexuality completely and honor the sexual nature of all people.

I recognize that I and all others are learning and I find joy in the process of evolution.

I find happiness and peace even in chaos. I remember that nature and justice are blind.

I know my physical limitations,  when to honor them, and when to challenge them. I am healthy in every way and I declare that my health is mine and it can not be taken from me without my consent.

- YB"N Rev. Joshua William M Berkowitz

A poem in the works...CATVLLVS

CATVLLVS
* Certainly not a final product but a promising one. Read Catullus 32 for context...

I lay on my back
Full from my lunch
Burning through my
Briefs and jeans

And if I'm not, really
If I'm just only saying so
It wouldn't matter
You're not here

Since you aren't
I could be lying
Limp as uncooked bacon
Empty as a glass

Then why do I tell you this
Ask you what you're wearing
Imagine being with you
Something that is false

Maybe what I'm really doing
Isn't what I say
But something all the better
Something you'd want more

Sitting here and telling you
What's going through my mind
Is not what's in my heart
Might annoy you slightly

If you could see the truth
Without the blinders of distance
You wouldn't be annoyed
You would have to sit down.

New Poem: Brain Love Meal

Brain-Love Meal
- I dedicate this poem to Arayah, may her name be magnified by every loving deed. May she hold my boon in place. And may the Mother protect what I seek.

I hated those pop songs
People listened to
Mouth-Ears hungrily
Eating for Stomach-Brains
The rest of their bodies
Waste receptacles
Deposits of abuse
At the hands of belief.

I hated those love songs
Popular music - for everyone!
No one understanding what their ears imbibed
Drunk on sound
Gorged on rhythm
Robotic cacaphony
Singing for cacaphoniphiles
Starved torso, legs
Fed to an obese head
Tumor of a brain
On starstruck body
Beaten by lovers
Promising not to be false.

I loathed those people
Who listened to songs
To remember the love
Lost on the beloved
And yet I found myself here
With a hungry mind
A withered heart
And I eat-listen.

I eat the tone of intrigue
I breakfast on pursuit
Buzzed from drunk affection
I fall ill from sweet nothings
My ears open wide
Lobes unhinging
Snapping at passing notes
Waves of music of love: the meal.

My brain is full
Heavy it hangs
Down to breathless chest
Ribs the love-music crushed
Beaten black and blue
Feet shredded by dance
Surrendering at last
I am gorged
On loving you
On the music loving you.

Lightening

Lightning coursing white and gray
Emanating from the sky
From above her shameful black
Glorious, lucid, shameful dark

In the throws with sin I cry
Ecstasy, release my pain
Drench my bed and soak the night
Tears of glist'ning silver moon

Glorious, lucid, shameful dark
Welcome bonds upon my wrists
Veil with silken perfumed fold
Bind me from my sin again.

Burning.

With all the music and the fashion of today, it is hard not to feel somewhat inadequate. I used to write poetry and make up stories. I designed my own worlds from the ground up. How did I arrive at run-of-the-mill? Sometimes I want to run away and stop fighting the things I can not change, abandon them completely, put on a lot of make up, and become someone else. Sometimes I do that. I do it at night and with an invitation to a "costumed" event. What I find, though, is that there is still a me I am trying to become and pretending doesn't cut it.

I tell myself, once there is enough money, once school is done, once vacation comes, once I find the right outfit, once I can get the right shoes, once I speak enough languages and have clear skin and nicer hair and a better man I will finally do it. I will go out and make me the me I always wanted to be. And that day never comes.

I've lost hope - in some ways - that it will come; that there will be a day when my image and lifestyle fit my feelings. I've lost hope that I will be the type of person who is cleanly elegant, with everything in order, and who knows exactly what he wants and does it effortlessly. I want to give up.

I remember a story. When I was young, my mother gave me a big tub full of dress up clothes. I would play with all the odds and ends when my friends came over, and often with my sisters, and we had a good time with the dress up things. One day I found a very pretty piece of costume jewelry in the box. It was a bracelet made of golden leaves strung together. I decided it was lucky, though too big for my little wrist, and I wanted to wear it to a bowling alley as a charm.

My mother told me it was too effeminate. I was sad she thought so. I loved it and thought it looked great. I insisted and she let me wear it. I don't remember if I won or not but I was the most fabulous five-, or six-, or seven-year-old boy on the lanes that night. I felt incredible having worn something that was "too effeminate;" that had limitations on it.

It's not about winning at bowling. It's not about having enough money or time. It's not about looking the best compared to everyone else. Somehow, beat up by the world and sick and tired, I remember this story and realize that something made me wear that bracelet despite my mother's innocent disapproval. Something made me stuff socks in a bra and strut my shit in heels one night too (mom helped this time). I feel like there is something absolutely amazing in me. And I won't let it die even if sometimes I feel like the rest of me might.

I hope I did not depress anyone too much, but sometimes it is good to sit together in sadness. There's an incredible you in there and you should really put everything aside to draw it out is all I'm trying to say. And don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a woman or anything. In fact, I'm not sure I care enough to go all out and learn how to really do drag. All I'm saying is that I do want to do me and I am having a hard time creating that. I'm frustrated, especially that my self expression seems lacking, not to the world, but to myself. I go to bed at night wondering why I am sleeping. There is so much to be done.